INTERVIEW WITH A HATCHIE
INTERVIEW WITH A HATCHIE by Eren Padar
(An unofficial guide for new hatchies that want to know how it WEALLY is)
Hatchling: (n) Widdle dwagon. BIG attitude. Also known as "Hatchies".
Q: What is a hatchie exactly?
A: The WEAL dwagons. We da ones dat have funs.
Q: Do hatchies always talk with a lisp or in "cute talk"?
A: No, onwy da good ones.
Q: What is a hatchie's favorite food?
A: Cookies. Absowutely cookies. And chocowate. Then Ice Cweam. And chocowate ice cweam. Oh, and wabbits. Definitewy wabbits.
Q: What is "Hatchie Thoccer"?
A (exathperated sigh): You know, THOCCER. Wif da ball and net and thtuff.
Q: What kinds of things do hatchies like to do?
A: Was you payin' attensun jus den?
Q: Well, what besides "thoccer"?
A: We sits on stuff. Wike biggie dwagon feets. We go pwaces and wook awound. We wuvs secwet pwaces. Wike da Drow Queen secwet bedwoom on Diabwo Iswand dat we not thupposed to go dere or tell anyone about. Hatchies waid pwaces. Dat fun. We wide horsies. An motorthycles. An cars. An pwanes an paper pwanes an mewwygowounds an theethawth an I spechully wikes popcorn mathines (I pooted in one once. Thowwy).
Q: I'll think of that next time I eat popcorn. Thanks.
A: YW! Made it pop too!
Q: How do I get a "hatchie"?
A: Dwop a thoccer ball on sandbox. You get WOTS of 'em.
Q: No, I mean how do I buy a Hatchie?
A: Wif cookies.
Q: No...no.. I mean, how do I BECOME a Hatchie?
A: Well finawy you get wound to it. You go an cwick an egg up in Cafedwal an give 'em all you money. Bwains and wooks wike dis costs.
Q: Why do hatchies wear clothes?
A: Why do YEW wear cwoves? Weawy, thum peeple....
Q: There is a debate as to whether hatchies can read. Can they?
A: NOPE! Well, not unwess we want to. Just between you an me, dat big book up in Cafedwal just wooks wike hedgie scwatches to me.
Q: But I see Hatchies carrying signs and flags...
A: We wike da pwetty cowors.
Q: Do I spell "hatchie" with a capital H or a lower case h?
A: Depends on if you want bited or not.
Q: Isn't biting forbidden on IoW?
A: Good wuck wif dat.
Q: How is it hatchies get away with so much?
A: I dunno. Is mystewy. (Wooks up at weporter wif gweat big hatchie eyes and nuzzles him).
Q: Why did you choose to be a hatchie rather than a big dragon?
A: You thayin' we not big dwagons? BITE BITE BITE!
(Reporter quietly notes that fortunately, Hatchie bites aren't all that major... )
Q: What is a Hatchie's strictest rule?
A: Don't eat all da wabbits at one time. Dey needs to makes more wabbits.
Q: That's your #1 rule?
A: Well, it close tie wif biting gwiefers wule: Always weave uver wump for anuver day.
Q: If you weren't a hatchie, what would you be?
A: A Tywanosauwus Wex. Woar! Grrrr! Chomp!
